After years of drawing nude models and hanging out in strip clubs (in my younger, wealthier years) I've become pretty comfortable with the human body in all its shapes, sizes and adornments, so I'm simultaneously stymied, amused and greatly irritated by the puritanical paradox that is our American culture. I mean we're bombarded by hundreds, if not thousands T & A images every stinkin' day, through print, television and the internet, but if woman dares to breastfeed her child in a public place rather than some filthy restroom . . . Heaven's to Murgatroyd! Call the Nipple Police! Okay, granted, we are getting much better about that, but what really chaps my ass is that through those same venues we see just as many images and depictions of violence, also on a daily basis. Seriously, I'll take exposed areolae over a lake of blood any day of the week.
Anyway, not too long ago I was involuntarily part of a humorous nakey incident at the local swimming hole. It's rather a long story, but it boils down to this, a little old Asian lady—and I find it that much more hilarious that she didn't seem to speak any English— wandered into the wrong dressing room at the pool and saw me quite naked. And by that I mean full frontal! I was in the shower, rinsing the shampoo out of my hair at the time, so she had a complete unobstructed view, not to mention a little animation by the scrubbing action, if you know what I mean. The funniest part to me is when I imagine the conversation at her family's dinner table later that night:
What did you do today, Grandma?
Oh, I did a little gardening, had lunch with the girls, then I went to the pool. . . . Oh, and I saw a big dorky white guy naked.
Grandma! How does this keep happening?!
So, in honor of all this nonsense and silliness, I offer the You should See Me Naked! T-shirt, which does double duty, incidentally, depending on your mindset, it's either blatant boasting, or self depreciating sarcasm, or perhaps even a little of both.